Reflection: This is Who I Am

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1.  What were the strengths of your paper?  What did you do particularly well, what do you have to be proud of? What are the best elements that you could build on?

After I read some of my peers’ essays, I didn’t think that my paper was exceptionally unique. However, I think that I did particularly well on my sentence fluency and mechanics. I was able to establish sentences that got my points across and also at the same time, made sense. I also noticed a repeating pattern in my teacher’s and peers’ comments that little mistakes could be found in the mechanics area of my essay. Although mechanics isn’t always something that people are proud of, I am elated by the fact that there aren’t many observable mistakes in my paper. Mechanical errors was something that I use to struggle with, therefore, it is a personal accomplishment that I was able to write an essay without many mechanical errors.

2.  What are some weaknesses in the paper that you could address?

After I reread my essay, I was shocked by the way I “told” a lot of my stories, instead of “showing” them. A weakness that I think I should address is disability to merge my voice and personality into my essay. Therefore, I wasn’t able to add liveliness into my essay because of this weakness. Another weakness my paper possessed was that I didn’t transition my paragraphs well enough. I need to work to improve transitioning my paragraphs well enough so that it makes sense to the readers.

3.  If you had a chance to start this assignment over from scratch, what might you do differently and why?

If I had a chance to start this assignment over from scratch, I think that the two major things I would do differently about my essay is adding transitions and changing my style of writing. Those are my two big weaknesses that really harmed my essay and I would want to fix that first. I want to be able to use smart transitions that make my essay flow smoothly and easier to understand. I would also change my style of writing into more of a story, filled with emotions, voice, and engaging words.

4. What have you learned from this assignment that you could use to be a better writer on future assignments?  Choose ONE area of improvement that you really want to focus on for upcoming assignments. What is it? Explain how you can improve on this element of your writing.

To be honest, as I prepared myself to write this “Who Am I?” essay, I didn’t know where to start. It is the first time I had written an essay for school in over two months.  However, after Mr. Nollan graded our essays, I was able to catch a glimpse of how essays should be written when he showed a few examples to the class. An area of improvement that I have already mentioned is changing my writing style. This is an area of improvement that I really want to focus on for upcoming assignments and can be achieved by writing in a more story-like style that produces a more lively and interesting paper. I was in awe and envy after reading the examples that were shown to class because they were actually really engaging and fun to read. I think I can improve this more by showing my emotions and voice, rather than just stating it and telling the readers.

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Peer-Editing: This Is Who I Am

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Timothy Chow:

Ideas: 4.5/5
Overall, you have very unique aspects of your life that depict who you really are. The only problem is with your “middle child” section. Are you trying to say that as a middle child, you have to fend for yourself and be less dependent on others? But other than that, everything seems fine. Also, I like your different uses of literary devices.

Organization: 5/5
Sufficient amount of transitions. Plain, simple, and efficient use of a 5-paragraph essay.

Jonathan Chung:

Word Choice: 4.5/5
Nice use of vocabulary. You used a wide range of words that has brought your paper to life. There might be a few instances where the words that you used can be replaced by a better word.

Sentence Fluency: 4/5
Good sentence fluency within the paragraphs, but it would be nice to have some transitions in between the paragraphs so the whole essay flows smoothly.

Ted Lam:

Voice: 5/5
I could tell that it was you by the first 9 words in the second paragraph. I thought that your voice was really strong throughout the essay and it was really easy to imagine you reading this essay because of the voice that is presented in your paper alone.

Mechanics: 5/5
I didn’t see anything wrong with the mechanics in your paper. At least not with my eyes, someone else might catch it but not me, great job. I feel like you had commas, periods, and all that punctuation stuff where it was necessary.

Rough Draft: This Is Who I Am

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Who Am I?

Do the things we love make us who we are? Or are the things that make us feel happy, excited, or even crazy make us who we are? Through my youthful experiences, I am convinced that the things that we are passionate for, the things that we put a lifetime’s effort into achieving, and the things that shape how we think, feel, and act, are truly the things that make us who we are. If I were to analyze my own short-lived history, I believe that the three areas in my life that would fit perfectly into these three categories would be soccer, money, and being a middle child in my family.

Soccer has been a major part of my family for generations and has been a passion of mine for as long as I can remember. I have done it all, from staying up to watch soccer on a school night and watching videos on YouTube of rising soccer starlets, to playing in nerve-wrecking finals, going on international tournaments, and getting requested to play for the Hong Kong U16 national soccer team. Soccer has brought so much joy, excitement, and sadness into my life. I experienced joy when the team I support, Chelsea FC, was crowned as the “Kings of Europe” after winning the Champions League tournament back in 2012, excitement when my school team was handed the chance to enter an international tournament in Taiwan and Thailand, and sadness when injury inevitably robbed me of the opportunity to represent Hong Kong through their u16 soccer team. Although soccer has its up and downs, it has never failed to surprise, influence, and be there for me whenever my life has been deprived of encouragement or motivation.

Money is so stunningly attractive and alluring that even kids seem to fall in love with it. If I were to say that my goal in life was to get a job that I enjoy that doesn’t pay well, I would be lying. Growing up in a typical Chinese family, it seemed to me that all my relatives, even my parents, coincidently had similar ideas of how their kids’ futures should be. That “idea” is to be a doctor, lawyer, or at least a banker if all else fails. In sort of way, yes, being able to be a doctor, lawyer, or banker does radiate an impression of a successful person, but what are the real reasons at work behind these ambitions?  To make money, use money, and then make even more money.  My parents always remind me to revolve my life around God, but still seem to drill into me a mindset that the purpose of life is to get into a top university and get a well-paid job. I don’t blame them though, having been on the other side of the economic spectrum while growing up, both my parents have experienced what it is like to be dirt poor. Although using money as a compass for life isn’t always the “right” thing, my parents only want what is best for me, and thus money has been a big aspect in my life.

Being the middle child of a big family isn’t as normal as it sounds. It has the ability to affect how one thinks and behaves through the experiences he or she faces. Born into a family of five kids, I was once told, “You are lucky to be the middle kid because older siblings are burdened with responsibilities and younger siblings are spoiled by parents.” As I stood there and absorbed this statement, I did not and still don’t believe that that statement is entirely true. Personally, the life of a middle child isn’t that all great, and if anything, the only positive thing about being a middle child is that it makes one stronger and tougher when it comes to overcoming trials. I watched on as my parents would always talk to their friends, almost in a boastful manner, about my older siblings’ accomplishments and results. While on the other hand, my younger siblings have a protective barrier over them. If any of the older siblings gets into any arguments with the younger siblings, almost ninety-nine percent of the times, my parents would place the blame on the older kids. However, as bad as it seems, through these experiences, I believe that I have become more mature and understanding of how the world works. I realized the importance of the little things that people do for me, something my parents sometimes fail to do as they struggle to look after so many kids. Now when trials come my way, big or small, I am able to overcome them while remaining emotionally intact.

Soccer, money, and “middle child” are all slices of my life that have played a big part, each playing its individual role in affecting the way I think, feel, and interact with other people. With the right amount of happiness, sprinkled with craziness, and stirred with determination, I am shaped into who I am today. Although as cliché as it may sound, I honestly wouldn’t be who I am today without these aspects injected into my life.

This Is Who I Am

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This Is Who I Am

Do the things we love make us who we are? Or are the things that make us feel happy, excited, or even crazy make us who we are? Through my youthful experiences, I am convinced that the things that we are passionate for, the things that we put a lifetime’s effort into achieving, and the things that shape how we think, feel, and act, are truly the things that make us who we are. If I were to analyze my own short-lived history, I believe that the three areas in my life that would fit perfectly into these three categories would be soccer, money, and being a middle child in my family.

Soccer has been a major part of my family for generations and has been a passion of mine for as long as I can remember. I have done it all, from staying up to watch soccer on a school night and watching videos on YouTube of rising soccer starlets, to playing in nerve-wrecking finals, going on international tournaments, and getting requested to play for the Hong Kong U16 national soccer team. Soccer has brought so much joy, excitement, and sadness into my life. I experienced joy when the team I support, Chelsea FC, was crowned as the “Kings of Europe” after winning the Champions League tournament back in 2012, excitement when my school team was handed the chance to enter an international tournament in Taiwan and Thailand, and sadness when injury inevitably robbed me of the opportunity to represent Hong Kong through their u16 soccer team. Although soccer has its up and downs, it has never failed to surprise, influence, and be there for me whenever my life has been deprived of encouragement or motivation.

Nowadays, money is so stunningly attractive and alluring that even kids seem to fall in love with it. If I were to say that my goal in life was to get a job that I enjoy that doesn’t pay well, I would be lying. Growing up in a typical Chinese family, it seemed to me that all my relatives, even my parents, coincidentally had similar ideas of how their kids’ futures should be. That idea is to be a doctor, lawyer, or at least a banker if all else fails. In a way, yes, being able to be a doctor, lawyer, or banker can radiate an impression of a successful person, but what are the real reasons at work behind these ambitions? To make money, use money, and then make even more money. My parents always remind me to revolve my life around God, but still seem to drill into me a mindset that the purpose of life is to get into a top university and get a well-paid job. I don’t blame them though, having been on the other side of the economic spectrum while growing up, both my parents have experienced what it is like to be dirt poor. Although using money as a compass for life isn’t always the right thing, my parents only want what is best for me, and thus money has been a big aspect in my life.

Being the middle child in a big family isn’t as normal as it sounds. It has had the ability to affect how I think and behave through the experiences I am faced. Born into a family of five kids, I was once told, “You are lucky to be the middle kid because older siblings are burdened with responsibilities and younger siblings are spoiled by parents.” As I stood there and absorbed this statement, I did not and still don’t believe that that statement is entirely true. Personally, the life of a middle child isn’t that all great, and if anything, the only positive thing about being a middle child is that it makes one stronger and tougher when it comes to overcoming trials. I watched on as my parents would always talk to their friends, almost in a boastful manner, about my older siblings’ accomplishments and results. While on the other hand, my younger siblings have a protective barrier over them. If any of the older siblings gets into any arguments with the younger siblings, almost ninety-nine percent of the times, my parents would place the blame on the older kids. However, as bad as it seems, through these experiences, I believe that I have become more mature and understanding of how the world works. I realized the importance of the little things that people do for me, something my parents sometimes fail to do as they struggle to look after so many kids. Now when trials come my way, big or small, I am able to overcome them while remaining emotionally intact.

Soccer, money, and being a “middle child” are all slices of my life that have played a big part, each playing its individual role in affecting the way I think, feel, and interact with other people. With the right amount of happiness, sprinkled with craziness, and stirred with determination, I am shaped into who I am today.