Peer-Editing: Persuasive Research Paper

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Elizabeth Lee

Ideas/Content/Organization: 4/5

Good start. You have a good quote in the introduction to start off your essay. However, make sure the ideas are connected. After the quote, you should follow it up with something actually about courage instead of suddenly talking about fame. Also, in the second paragraph, you might want to cut down on the history. Some background on Alexander is good, but you want to use the majority of your writing on the persuading part instead of writing up a history paper. The history was interesting though. But make sure you spend more time arguing your case.

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Final: Persuasive Research Paper

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Success: Just an Act of Courage Away

 “Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway,” answered John Wayne, as the interviewer began to draw the meeting to a close. To many people, courage is building up the nerve to do something that could be risky. But to me, courage plays a determining role in a person’s search for success. It seems that all society cares about having nowadays is fame, money, and success. Human beings have somehow taken this subjective idea of what courage is and evolved it into a word that can only be defined by money, fame, and earthly possessions. Therefore, at some point in your life you will probably find yourself wondering (if you haven’t already) and hoping to answer the question, “What would it take to be successful?” The way Alexander the Great conquered the nations around the Mediterranean, Bill Gates dominated the computer industry, my Asian Studies project group aced our project, and James in the Bible taught us to have faith reveal the most important factor to achieving success: having the courage to act upon an ambitious idea.

Strong connections between success and courage were unveiled and made clear to me in The Greeks: A Great Adventure, by Isaac Asimov, the story of the great and all-powerful Alexander III of Macedon. Born in Pella to King Philip II of Macedon, Alexander was immediately thrown into a world of great riches and power (Asimov 210). Under the wing of his tutor, Aristotle, Alexander fell in love with the works of Homer, especially the Iliad (211). Thus, inspired by the war heroes from his storybooks and pure hunger, Alexander headed out on a conquest to accomplish the seemingly impossible task of expanding his father’s empire. After dying from a fever at the age of 33, Alexander left behind a large legacy; his empire stretched from Macedonia all the way to the edge of India (223). The odds were against him; however, he wasn’t fearful of anyone, not even the mighty mass of the Persian Empire (214-218). Therefore, with a bit of luck and a dash of genius, Alexander was able to win every battle; becoming one of the greatest military leaders of all time.

Before rising up to revolutionize the world with his ingenious ideas, the affluent Bill gates started off as an ordinary boy. At just seventeen years of age, Bill Gates had already sold his first computer program (“Profile: Bill Gates”). In the next three years, he and his friend, Paul Allen, designed the world’s first computer language program, now known as Microsoft. Taking an unimaginable risk, Bill Gates audaciously decided to throw away his education by dropping out of Harvard and establishing a company for Microsoft (“Profile: Bill Gates”). Today, Bill Gates is one of the richest and most successful men to have set foot on earth. As of September 2013, he was deemed to have a net worth of 72 billion US dollars (“Bill Gates”). If Bill Gates hadn’t taken the chance to jump in headfirst, as an act of courage towards pursuing his dreams, he would most likely be the ordinary boy, just grown up. Without his various contributions to technology and courageous spirit, millions of us would probably not even have access to a computer.

Ending the 2013 school year with an A+ in Asians Studies was something I had never anticipated. Students enrolled in this course were put into groups and given a topic for further research for an exam grade. The teacher also provided multiple presentation ideas; however, it seemed as if everyone had already chosen subconsciously to create a simple, easy, and dull poster lacking both creativity and ingenuity. I, on the other hand, had a bigger vision for my group.  Feeling a rare sense of creativity burning passion in my bones, I had a desire to make a stop-motion video for my group’s presentation. Stop-motion videos require a multitudinous amount of time, patience, and effort. It was by far not the most appealing option to my group members. However, I persisted with my idea and we miraculously managed to complete this project before the deadline. After a long period of time filled with doubt and nervous jitters, the project was finally graded. To everyone’s delight, my group surprisingly received an A+ for our project. It was only through our courage to seize this challenge that we were able to end the year on a successful note.

James instructs the world to put faith into action in the verses James 2:14-17. He wrote, “What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead” (Bible Gateway). These verses prove the truth behind the importance of taking action and running with an idea. There is no outcome or benefit for those who do not act out in faith and courage. If no one is willing to take the risk, then faith is surely “dead”; nothing will come out of something that isn’t pursued. Even if one were bound to fail, he or she would never know the outcome of the effort given if the chance wasn’t taken.

To get the chance to smother one’s face in success, one must tackle an ambitious idea with bravery and fearlessness. This is proven by the stories of the strong-willed Alexander the Great, the vigorous Bill Gates, my audacious Asian Studies group, and the philosophical James, who teaches to act on faith. Therefore, instead of sitting back and watching our mediocre lives race by, we must grasp each opportunity by the scruff of the neck and chase it down as if our lives depend on it. Courage is being scared to death and still saddling up, because without saddling up, we could never ride off into the sunset with the wind in our hair and know what it fully feels like to fly.

Works Cited:

“50 Best Success Quotes of All Time.” Under30CEO. N.p., 24 Aug. 2009. Web. 09 Dec. 2013. <http://under30ceo.com/50-best-success-quotes-of-all-time/&gt;.

Asimov, Isaac. The Greeks; a Great Adventure. Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1965. Print.

“Bible Gateway.” New International Version (NIV Bible). The Zondervan Corporation, 1993. Web. 01 Dec. 2013. <http://www.biblegateway.com/versions/New-International-Version-NIV-Bible/&gt;.

“Bill Gates.” Forbes. Forbes Magazine, Sept. 2013. Web. 08 Dec. 2013. <http://www.forbes.com/profile/bill-gates/&gt;.

“Profile: Bill Gates.” BBC News. BBC, 26 Jan. 2004. Web. 04 Dec. 2013. <http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/business/3428721.stm&gt;.

Rough Draft: Persuasive Research Paper

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Success: Just a Courage Away

 “Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway,” answered John Wayne, as the interviewer began to draw the meeting to a close. To many people, courage is taking up the responsibility to do something that could be risky. But to me, courage plays a determining role in a person’s search for success. It seems that all societies only care about is fame, money, and success. Human beings have somehow taken this subjective idea and evolved it into a word that can only be defined by money, fame, or earthly possessions. Therefore, at some point of your life, you would have probably asked yourself this question, “What would it take to be successful?” The most important factor in achieving success is having the courage to act upon an ambitious idea.  This is evident in the way Alexander the Great conquered the nations around the Mediterranean, the way Bill Gates dominated the computer industry, the way my group aced our Asian Studies project, and the way James taught us in the Bible to have faith.

Through the book, The Greeks: A Great Adventure, by Isaac Asimov, the story of the great and all-powerful Alexander III of Macedon revealed strong connections between courage and success. Born in Pella to King Philip II of Macedon, Alexander was immediately thrown into a world of riches and power (Asimov 210). Under the wing of his tutor, Aristotle, Alexander fell in love with the works of Homer, especially the Iliad (211). Thus, inspired by the war heroes from his storybooks and having a hunger to expand his father’s empire, Alexander headed out on a conquest to accomplish this seemingly impossible task. After dying from a fever at the age of 33, Alexander’s empire stretched from Macedonia all the way to the edge of India (223).  Although the odds were against him not once, but multiple times, he wasn’t fearful of anyone, even the mighty Persian Empire (214-218). Therefore, with a bit of luck and a stroke of genius, Alexander never lost a single battle and was able to become one of the greatest military leaders of all time.

Rising to become a person who completely revolutionized the world, the affluent Bill gates started off as an ordinary boy. At just seventeen years of age, Bill Gates had already sold his first computer program (“Profile: Bill Gates”). In the next three years, he and his friend, Paul Allen, designed the world’s first computer language program known as Microsoft. Then taking an unimaginable risk, Bill Gates and Paul Allen audaciously decided to throw away his education by dropping out of Harvard and establishing a company for Microsoft (“Profile: Bill Gates”). Today, Bill Gates is one of the richest and most successful men to have set foot on this earth. As of September 2013, he was deemed to be a net worth of 72 billion dollars USD (“Bill Gates”). If he had not taken that chance to chase his dream, who knows where he would be today. If someone else had taken over the computer industry, millions of us may not even have access to a computer.

Ending the year 2012-2013 with an A+ in Asians Studies was something that I had not anticipated. Students enrolled in this course were put into groups and given a topic. The teacher also provided multiple presentation ideas, but it seemed like everybody had already chosen to make an easy, simple poster. I, on the other hand, had a bigger vision for my group.  Feeling a rare sense of creativity incarnating in my bones, I had a desire to make a stop-motion video for my group’s presentation. Stop-motion videos required a lot of time, patience, and effort; things that didn’t appeal to my group members. However, persisting on with my idea, we miraculously managed to complete this project before the deadline. After a period of doubts and nervous jitters, our projects were finally graded. To everyone’s delight, my group surprisingly received an A+ for our project. It was only through our courage to seize this challenge that we were able to end the year on a successful note.

James instructs the world to put action into faith in James 2:14-17. He wrote, “What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead” (Bible Gateway). These verses prove the truth behind the importance of taking up action on an idea. There is no outcome or benefit for those who do not act out in faith. If no one is willing to take the risk, then it is surely “dead” because nothing will come out of something that isn’t pursued. Even if one was bound to fail, he or she will never know the outcome if the chance wasn’t taken.

To get the chance to smother one’s face in success, one must tackle an ambitious idea with bravery and fearlessness. This is proven by the stories of the strong-willed Alexander the Great, the vigorous Bill Gates, my audacious Asian Studies group, and the philosophical James who tells us to do something about our beliefs. Therefore, instead of sitting back and watching our mediocre lives fly by, we must grasp opportunities and ideas by the scruff its neck and chase it down as if our lives depended on it.

 

Works Cited:

“50 Best Success Quotes of All Time.” Under30CEO. N.p., 24 Aug. 2009. Web. 09 Dec. 2013. <http://under30ceo.com/50-best-success-quotes-of-all-time/&gt;.

 

Asimov, Isaac. The Greeks; a Great Adventure. Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1965. Print.

 

“Bible Gateway.” New International Version (NIV Bible). The Zondervan Corporation, 1993. Web. 01 Dec. 2013. <http://www.biblegateway.com/versions/New-International-Version-NIV-Bible/&gt;.

 

“Bill Gates.” Forbes. Forbes Magazine, Sept. 2013. Web. 08 Dec. 2013. <http://www.forbes.com/profile/bill-gates/&gt;.

 

“Profile: Bill Gates.” BBC News. BBC, 26 Jan. 2004. Web. 04 Dec. 2013. <http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/business/3428721.stm&gt;.

Outline: Persuasive Research Paper

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Outline

Main Idea:

The most important factor in achieving success is having the courage to act upon an ambitious idea.  This is evident in the way Alexander the Great conquered the nations around the Mediterranean, the way Bill Gates dominated the computer industry, the way my group aced our Asian Studies project, and the way James taught us in the Bible to have faith.

Quotes:

“If your ship doesn’t come in, swim out to meet it!” Jonathan Winters

“Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.” John Wayne

 

 

Book: The Greeks: A Great Adventure by Isaac Asimov

-Alexander the Great stopped being educated by Aristotle

-Had an ambition and passion for war

-ambition to take over the world and govern it with a universal monarchy

-was fascinated by war heroes

-set of on his own journey to achieve such success

-although he died, he was successful because he conquered many countries and cities

-he became famous and many war tactics are still used today

 

News article:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/business/3428721.stm

Story of Bill Gates:

-risked everything as he dropped out of college to achieve his ambition to write computer programs

-became super successful

-world’s largest company

 

Bible Reference:

Joshua 1:9

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

James 2:14-17

14 What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? 15 Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. 16 If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? 17 In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.

-There is no benefit for those who don’t act on faith

-people must have the faith and courage to pursue something or the chance might disappear

-take the chance, because if you never, it is “dead”, meaning that you do not get anything from it.

-worthless

 

Personal story:

-media project: stop motion got A+

-While everyone did the easy poster design or brochure

-I had an ambition to do something more interesting, to make a stop motion video

-Although it would take a long time and much more than classmates

-I convinced the people in my group to agree upon my idea

-we risked everything by putting all our time and effort in making this video (taking pictures)

-not knowing how it would turn out, after editing, it looked really smooth and legit

-took the risk, but was successful for we got 100/100 for the FINAL project.

 

Bibliography:

“Profile: Bill Gates.” BBC News. BBC, 26 Jan. 2004. Web. 04 Dec. 2013. <http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/business/3428721.stm&gt;.

 

Asimov, Isaac. The Greeks; a Great Adventure. Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1965. Print.

 

“Bible Gateway.” New International Version (NIV Bible). The Zondervan Corporation, 1993. Web. 01 Dec. 2013. <http://www.biblegateway.com/versions/New-International-Version-NIV-Bible/&gt;.

 

http://under30ceo.com/50-best-success-quotes-of-all-time/