I think the idea of comparing yourself with Josh is a good idea, but the arguments “such as the way you approached life” is extremely broad. Topic two could be narrowed down to a more precise argument in the thesis.
The contrast was too extreme in the first argument. It could have been better if it were narrowed down to more precise details, or by telling a story which portrayed these facts.
Organization: 9 followed the rubric clearly, but missing some key counterpoints.
Could start sentences differently instead of using “also…”
Word Choice/Sentence Fluency/Voice: 8.5
Good word choice. I like the humor in the words you chose to use like “my blessing.” However there are areas where you can split a sentence into 2 so that it isn’t as clunky. Also, your tenses sometimes change which makes the reader work a little harder. Plus, you sometimes have redundant words like “bad habit…bad friend” –> i was a bad friend, and “extreme opposites” –> the extremes of the spectrum. Good job overall. I like the examples of what you were like when you were small compared to Josh.
The second sentence: confusing to read with all the commas
“that not everybody has to be the best”: has?
“how he has already concluded”: has?
“was able to live through a matured lifestyle”: live through?
“,unlike specifically, my parents.”: perhaps you should write: “unlike my parents.”