Peer-Editing: Loved


Michael Liu:

Ideas/Content: 4.5/5

I think that this is pretty creative and you have a lot of great ideas. i admire the way that you describe how things happen. You could consider making this longer though. and maybe add some paragraphing to it, because this is an essay not a quick write anymore.
Organization: 4/5
Again, i think that you should organize your essay into at least five separate paragraphs. with an intro and a conclusion with three body paragraphs.

David Zhang:

Word Choice/Voice: 4.5/5
You chose your words very carefully. This is good, but in some cases, words like ‘enigma’ and ‘phenomenon’ sort of detracted from the story. It sounds like you are trying to write a poem, and it works, but the big words seem to make it sound more scholarly. This quickwrite was written from the heart, but it doesn’t always sound that way. Some people say that the words of the heart are the simplest of all. You might want to keep that in mind. You spoke your heart, and you spoke it well.

Justin Ng:

Sentence Fluency: 4/5

The assault of questions in the beginning worked pretty well, but the sentences after that seem fragmented and stand-alone. Might need some reviewing there.
Mechanics: Tense agreement should be observed in the first sentence. In the second one also; “had?” So are you doing it now or just before the thought? Also, in the third sentence, “has.” “Rescinding” is the wrong word there, CTRL-F.


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