Overall, you have very unique aspects of your life that depict who you really are. The only problem is with your “middle child” section. Are you trying to say that as a middle child, you have to fend for yourself and be less dependent on others? But other than that, everything seems fine. Also, I like your different uses of literary devices.
Sufficient amount of transitions. Plain, simple, and efficient use of a 5-paragraph essay.
Word Choice: 4.5/5
Nice use of vocabulary. You used a wide range of words that has brought your paper to life. There might be a few instances where the words that you used can be replaced by a better word.
Sentence Fluency: 4/5
Good sentence fluency within the paragraphs, but it would be nice to have some transitions in between the paragraphs so the whole essay flows smoothly.
I could tell that it was you by the first 9 words in the second paragraph. I thought that your voice was really strong throughout the essay and it was really easy to imagine you reading this essay because of the voice that is presented in your paper alone.
I didn’t see anything wrong with the mechanics in your paper. At least not with my eyes, someone else might catch it but not me, great job. I feel like you had commas, periods, and all that punctuation stuff where it was necessary.